Diarhea of the mouth

I just got off the phone with my step-mom to see if she wanted to go with me to the cemetary today. She said"why whats going on?" Okay I can grasp the fact that some people may not remember. I said well its been a year since Kamryn was born. She instantly changed the subject and said well how's everything else going? I told her that everything was usually fine until I spoke with Josh and she asked why. I told her how he keeps trying to use his grief against me. This is the part that gets good. She said "Kasey I really don't mean to sound cruel when I say this but miscarriages happen everyday and you have to let them go" At that very moment its probably a very good thing that I was sitting down. All I could do was gasp "I'm trying he's the one who always brings it up but I'm going to let you go". For one of the people that are supposed to care about me more than anything in the world to say that broke my heart into a million pieces! How did she not mean to sound cruel? It was not a miscarriage. It was a stillbirth. Two completely different things. Trust me I've had them both. Yeah miscarriages may happen every day but not to your own daughter! Or for that matter anyone in your own family. I'm not letting it go. I can't do that. She was mine nothing else to say about it.
On to another person that maybe should have thought before she spoke to me. This lady at work last night told me that I was a little on edge and asked what was going on. I told her that today was the 1 yr since we lost our baby girl. Her response: Just look at it this way it could be worse. You could be craving PMS food like J ( another girl that we work with). WHAT?!?! How does that even begin to compare to what I'm going through? I don't know how many more stupid people I can handle today.

1 year later

I still feel like I am a complete disaster. I go through so many emotions a day about her. I still can remember everything like it was yesterday. I still blame myself for everything. When does it get any better? I'm convinced that it doesn't. I asked SHARE about those pictures last Friday and they keep telling me that they'll let me know tomorrow. It has been a week. So when exactly is "tomorrow"?
My mother and me made a small stone for Kamryn's grave. Which we are going to put out there today. Since it's all that I can afford right now it'll have to work. It's cute and it has love put into it so I think I can handle it. I'll post pictures soon. Josh's family however has decided to boycot the event tomorrow, which completely pisses me off! How can they just forget and move on? It doesn't quite seem fair.
It seems like everyone has completely forgotten about Kamryn unless I bring it up. That is everyone but Michele. Michele, I believe, has kind of been like a therapy for me. We are both going through the hardest things that will we ever endure (hers is a little bit worse than mine) and she is always there. Always ready and waiting with open arms to talk about her. Which is such a relief sometimes when no one else wants to talk about her.
Michele, I appreciate all that you have done or said to help me get through and carry on. I honestly have no idea how I would have made it through the last few months without you! Thank you so much.
So tomorrow is the first day I have seen Josh in 4 weeks. He constantly tries to make me feel guilty about his missing Kamryn and like I said before I deal with it on my own so why can't he?
Wish me luck today mommy's. I'm going to need all the strength I can get.