1 year later

I still feel like I am a complete disaster. I go through so many emotions a day about her. I still can remember everything like it was yesterday. I still blame myself for everything. When does it get any better? I'm convinced that it doesn't. I asked SHARE about those pictures last Friday and they keep telling me that they'll let me know tomorrow. It has been a week. So when exactly is "tomorrow"?
My mother and me made a small stone for Kamryn's grave. Which we are going to put out there today. Since it's all that I can afford right now it'll have to work. It's cute and it has love put into it so I think I can handle it. I'll post pictures soon. Josh's family however has decided to boycot the event tomorrow, which completely pisses me off! How can they just forget and move on? It doesn't quite seem fair.
It seems like everyone has completely forgotten about Kamryn unless I bring it up. That is everyone but Michele. Michele, I believe, has kind of been like a therapy for me. We are both going through the hardest things that will we ever endure (hers is a little bit worse than mine) and she is always there. Always ready and waiting with open arms to talk about her. Which is such a relief sometimes when no one else wants to talk about her.
Michele, I appreciate all that you have done or said to help me get through and carry on. I honestly have no idea how I would have made it through the last few months without you! Thank you so much.
So tomorrow is the first day I have seen Josh in 4 weeks. He constantly tries to make me feel guilty about his missing Kamryn and like I said before I deal with it on my own so why can't he?
Wish me luck today mommy's. I'm going to need all the strength I can get.