A little confused

So I talked to an old friend of mine (she's actually a friend of Josh's) who happens to be 7 months pregnant and likes to talk about it non freakin stop. Her and Josh have had many talks about how I'm crazy and that I need help and bla bla bla.
She sent me an e-mail saying that she wishes the old Kasey could come back. That the old Kasey never accepted defeat, wasn't afraid to stumble and fall, would admit when she needed help and wouldn't be too proud to say that the death of my little girl had changed my life. That she wishes that I acted differently.
Unfortunately the old Kasey can't come back. I don't accept defeat. I still stumble and fall but I have learned that it doesn't help to stay down you have to get right back up and keep on. I don't need help I've seen therapists and taken medicine, but what exactly does that help? I have found that it doesn't. The biggest of all: I'm not too proud to admit that losing Kamryn has completely flipped my world upside down and it will never be the same again. As far as acting differently how exactly is it that I'm supposed to act? I asked her " Can you honestly say that you would be able to cope better than I have the last year if you lost Connor (the name for her baby)?" Her answer. Oh wait thats right I didn't get an answer.
So as a mom here in deadbabyland I ask you all: How exactly are we to act after we've lost a baby?
I actually think I'm doing pretty well.

Snow falling down.... along with my mood

So I am officially completely moved into and settled into my house. Aside from the constant parade of 19 year old boys through the house it's really good. I'm sleeping good, saw a couple of old friends, and lost a few pounds. I have been in th crappiest mood though lately. This last week has been horrible. I have been sick with Influenza A for a over a week. So contagious that I didn't go to work at the hospital for 3 days and that I can't even go back to Emily's till next Monday!! I miss them so much!! Not only have I been sick but I have been in a depression. I've cried myself to sleep 3 out of 5 nights thinking about Kamryn. It just sucks and then I pull out the stuff that I have from the hospital thinking that it would make me feel better. Boy was I ever wrong. It made it 15 times worse. Also putting me in this depression was the death of my neighbor from the apartment, Alvis. The day I moved out she was taken to the hospital and she died Monday. Josh and I actually got together and went to her funeral. She was buried in Leopold, which is where Josh's family is originally from. As morbid as it may sound we walked around the cemetary and looked at all the headstones and found the kids. I was so shocked by all the dead babies with his last name out there. Maybe its something that runs in his family. I couldn't help but wonder that as we walked through. That is the first time that we talked since I left there. I happened to learn a lot more heartwrenching things about my relationship right before I moved my things. As much as I knew it was failing I never would have thought that they could be that horrible. Kamryn's 1 year is quickly approaching and I have no idea what to do with myself. I don't know if I should celebrate the day or mourn the day. Anyone have any ideas? Let me know. Snow is falling down so hard tonight that school has been closed for everyone tomorrow. So much that as much work as I've missed the last week I am seriously considering calling in and hanging out with my new friend Jordan. Snow and winter just make me depressed. Then you throw in the month of February and it just throws everything off. Oh I forgot to mention that one of the teenage girls I used to work with found out she was pregnant on Halloween this last year (the same day I did) is having a girl and has an ultrasound on February 5th ( the same day we found out something was wrong) and is due July 1st instead of July 2nd (like me). As much as I want to be happy it's just really hard. Okay enough from me. Hope everyone enjoys the weather.