Are the holidays over yet?

It seems like the Christmas holiday has been ongoing for MONTHS! I'm just so ready for it to be done and over with. Usually I thrive on this holiday but this year I absolutely hate it. I hate going to the store. I hate shopping. I hate wrapping presents, listening to the music and all that goes with it. Last night I went to Wal-Mart with my mom and I saw a baby girl and my eyes started to well up with tears! I'm just want to say "Kasey stop this you are fine things are going to get better. They can't get any worse" Or could they? My friend Mike is convinced I'm having myself a pity party. His words were: My dad died when I was 14 don't you think I was sad or angry, etc. Yeah I was but you have to learn how to get over it and not be so angry, depressed, and HATEFUL to everyone else. I would love to have my dad there to see my graduate, get married, see his grandchildren, but he won't be.
OKay I would've loved to have those couple of years with her. Yeah it definetly would've been harder really knowing her and letting her go but still. You've had about 10 years to get over the shock, anger, depression and everything else that goes with it. I've had about 10 months so go straight to hell. I know thats a little rough but it's how I feel. I also think that it's a little difference between your child and your parent. There is just a different kind of love for both of them.
To top everything off this holiday season J is giving me so much trouble over little things and I could just scream!!! I'm absolutely tired to death of coming in not 2nd or 3rd but 4th in his life. First comes work (which is understandable until he wants to get mad at me for doing other things when I'm off then hanging out with him when EVERY Saturday evening that I have off he's been doing DWI patrol with one of the deputies!!) , then his dad (not anyone else in his immediate family), his friends, and thenme. I just want to be noticed and little praise for all my hard work. Working both jobs and I've done ALL the shopping, ALL the wrapping, ALL the signing and sending of the Christmas cards. I actually thought of something he wanted for Christmas and got him that. He didn't like the gift I got his dad and took it back, keeps letting me know of the people I forgot to write cards out for, won't even wrap the gift that I bought for my step-mom for HIS secret santa gift, leaves the receipts laying around after he bought me something so that I know exactly what I'm getting,won't help finish the things that I have two days to get done and the GREATEST thing of all.: Bought himself a GUN!! What in hell??? All I can say is he's his fathers son. Christmas used to be fun and this year I can't wait for it to be over. I don't like to know what I'm getting. I like to be surprised and have things to open on Christmas morning, good luck getting that this year....... BAH HUMBUG.

PS: Really sorry about the complaining I'm just having a really hard time this week and I needed to get it out.