Thanks

My friend Sam and I were driving by the cemetary where Kamryn is buried on the way to Emily's soccer game. She asked if we could stop by and visit a previous teachers grave on the way back by. Went to Emily's game, which I am so proud of her for taking that hit like a champ, and then stopped by the cemetary. Sam said lets go to Kamryn's grave first and then to Mrs. W. We walked up the hill to where Kamryn is buried. First thing I noticed is that her marker had been run over and bent to hell by apparently a lawn mower. I started to cry. Sam said "No worries Kase I got this" squatted down and bent in back into shape. Which only made me cry harder. We stood there for a minute and the memories of those last 5 months before she was laid there came flooding back. Its my fault. There had to be a sign. I had to know something was wrong, instead I ignored it all.
We walk back down the hill to visit Mrs. W's grave. As we're walking down the hill I'm still crying she reaches over and grabs my hand and won't let go. Tears continue to fall. At Mrs. W's grave Sam takes one look and says "It wasn't her time to go". I know she meant nothing by it at all but all I could think of was : and you think it was Kamryn's???
At the corner across from Mrs. W's grave is where all the babies are buried (with the exception of Kamryn who is buried at the bottom of my grandma's grave). Something makes me walk across to them. There are two graves with only the funeral home markers on them. From 2001. How could you not even acknowledge your babies grave? Maybe its not all about the things that you see. Maybe its how you remember it in your mind, but it really took me by surprise. I can't imagine not making Kamryn's stone or putting any flowers on her grave.
After crying and looking at how long each baby lived for we turned and walked away. Still holding hands.
Sam turned and looked down over the field behind the cemetary and said "I can picture Kamryn and all the other babies playing over there. Wait, no, we're talking about your kid she'd be over there playing in the mud and then wanting you to hold her" I couldn't help but laugh.
I may get mad at her and not agree with everything that she does but when it comes down to it in the last 9 years she's been there when it really mattered. I am so glad that I at least have one friend like her.